To My Momma

Momma, I can't believe it's been a year! The tears roll down still for you! I yearn for you more and more all the time. But I know one day we will be reunited and I will be able to have a party with you! And I'm so thankful that God's word tells me this and that I have that promise! Thank you for everything you taught me and for being my strength now! Even though you have left this earth, you are so much of my strength to get through, my strength to keep going, my strength to be the BEST me! I miss you so much!!! I love you so much and my heart will always break and yearn for you! Nothing can change that!!! Nothing helps really! Well that's not true, knowing that I will one day get to see you again, is a promise I hold very dear! I wish you were here to hold baby B. She needs that special rock that only you can do! Your lap never got to small for us! Even as an adult, you would hold and rock us! I am so proud that as a high school girl, I had your lap and lovin arms to hold and rock me to comfort! But Baby B, she needs to hear In the Lord's Army, and really she needs to think that Walking in a winter wonderland is a lulaby. I love you so much and I am so thankful that I was blessed beyond messure to have you as my Momma!! You are the GREATEST person I have ever known!!! Thank you for that!! And for teaching me how to love, just like you! For showing me that if you really love your spouse, you can get through anything with them!! Your unconditional love for dad was such a testament to this, as was your unconditional love to each of us kids and grandkids! No matter what one did, it didn't change how you felt or loved us!!! We all knew we could count on a loving you!!! Thank you Momma!! I know you know how much we miss you, but I am thankful you aren't in pain! I'm thankful you don't have to hurt anymore! I am glad you get to hold and hug Tina! I just wish we could get some more hugs! I am so thankful that you spent and devoted your life to your family! And that we are what mattered! And I try my best to be just like you! Momma, you have taught me to forgive! And to let it be! You have taught me, that I can't change others, but to love them anyway! Doesn't mean I have to like what they do or how they are doing it! You have taught me to feed many! I sure like to cook for company just like you did! No matter the occasion! Actually, like you, just like to do it! Thank you for giving me my love for crafts! Thank you for being the best example in life that I ever had!!! Thank you for never giving up on me, and always teaching me, I can reach my dreams!!! Nothing is to far out of reach, that I can do anything I want to do! That I have to believe!!! And the way you loved all my friends as your own! Thank you for being the Momma that took us to do all the fun stuff, like the week every year at the Country Fair, to shopping, to crafting, and so much more! to making me the night owl I am! And giving me a love of games like I do! I miss you visiting and us staying up near all night long to play cards!!!! Or how I wish we could have another Christmas Eve up all night baking cookies and candy! What sweet memories!!! But not matter what, us night owls sure had fun!!!! It was always so much fun!!! We may not have had lots of money to do all the big things, but you always made every visit and time we had together, so special and fun!!! I guess God and You knew it was by that example, of you loving my friends as your own, that I'd choice adoption, even before I knew of my infertility! It was your love and acceptance of Shelby more than so many others, that I knew I had one of the GREATEST supporters ever in adopting my kids! You and Dad loved them kids like NO ONE else ever can!!! Momma, the girls miss you so much!!

K, your sweet name sake, tells everyone that her Mamaw is died on the Cross and one day we can go to Heaven too! She is still a little spit fire, but she is so funny and charming! Oh how she loves you!!!

And E, oh how she still needs you! You were by far her most favorite person in this world! She really can't get over you not being here! She refuses to get rid of anything that was from you, or that she thinks is from you. She even is angry that others have their Grandma, and her's isn't here with her! She misses sleeping in bed with you! She misses staying up late with you, and popsicles on the porch! You would be so proud of her! She is doing great in school and adjusting pretty good! She talks about you all the time, and how much she misses this or that! And how you would be at the hospital when she was sick! She remembers everything you did! Like the silly faces you would make to make the kiddos laugh! And how you would rock and sing to her! You are very much a big part of her life, even without being here!

I hope to be the best class mom and supporting Mom just like you!! You never missed anything! You were at my games, at scouts, was at all school functions! You made everything more fun! And it was always so nice to know I could count on you to be there!!! I wish you could see me as Big bird walking back and shaking my hiney on more time after the parade! Or could you see me dance one more time! There are so many things I wish we could do again!!! It's been so super hard to even consider renewing our wedding vows and you not be here on earth with us.

and Momma, James still is lost! You are his Mom! He admired you so much! He misses your phone calls to just check on him and let him know you loved him! To see how the weather was, and in reality, you just wanted to make sure he was wide awake out on the road! He misses you making him put up all the clean clothes you would wash and dry and fold, while visiting, and yet I didn't have to do any. I don't think he will ever have another connection with anyone else like he did you! Momma, you were a HUGE part of making him the man he is!!! And I'm so thankful that you saw the BEST in him and loved him from the start and always did!!!!

And well Momma, you know I'll always want you here with me! I need you so much! I can't tell you how much! But know I did the right think and stayed with my family and didn't hide from the world. I'm thankful I"m just like you!! From the good and not so good to everything! I'm a mini you and I'm very proud I am!!!

I love you and miss you!! More than I can explain or say!!!!! But I am the lucky one! Because of you I am who I am!!!! I just wish you could scoop me up into your arms and rock me in that rocking chair again!! I need that comfort! I need you and love you!!!! Then tonight, I needed to call you and you bring me back to reality and I didn't have you. And there is no one that can help me like you did! Momma I love and miss you more and more all the time! I will forever and always love you!!!!

with all my heart always and forever, I LOVE YOU Momma!!!!! You are the BESTEST Friend a person could have!!!