Remembering Momma/Mamaw through the worst pain!

I have cried harder tonight than I have most anytime since getting through the horror of saying goodbye! All the sudden, it has hit me me like it was just happened! Like I just feel from her arms, after she took her last breath. Or even like the week before she passed, when I cried every single night like this! So bad that my dear friend would listen to me and cry with me! No ones heart should ever hurt like this!

Then I went and got out our letters to Momma/ Mamaw, the ones we wrote, that were read at her funeral! And I wanted to share them. I don't know that anyone really cares to read them, and maybe not, but for me right now, they were what I needed to read and share! Maybe a little insight on just what a special person she really was!!!! And here's the links to her obituaries and here too....

Letter 1

Mamaw,

I love you! And You are going to Heaven. I am going to miss making cookies with you, a cake too. Thank you for eating cracker with me and Grandaddy in bed. Daddy and Mommy miss and love you. I will love you forever and I am gong to miss Mamaw!

Lil E

Letter 2

Mom love you very much! I can remember the very first time I met you, and you treated me like family. I also remember at the end of the weekend, when it was time for me to leave, you teased me about never wearing a Gordon shirt to your house again. Just so you know, Mom, I will never wear one again, and my girls never will either. Thank you so much for all the love and support you have shown me through the years, just wish there were alot m ore years. Love you mom. Rest easy that we will all be fine here on Earth till it's our day to once again unite in Heaven with you. Thank you also for being the world's greatest mom in law & mamaw to our kids and the world!

James

Letter 3

Momma

Thank you for being the most awesome Inspiration to us! You are my Hero! I will always keep you alive in all I do. If I can be half the lady you were, I will be good. I could go on forever about all the special times, and all the things you taught me, as well about how special you are! Thank you for being everyones mom and mamaw, even when I didn't like sharing you with the world. I want you to know, that there will never be anyone else's arms that can cradle, rock, and hold me like you did. We never got to big for you to that while singing to us. Songs like In the Lords's Army & Winter Wonderland, that I was in 2nd grade before I realized it was not a lullabye. No matter what you wer going through, you had more faith than anyone I know. Thank you, Momma, for your unconditional love, no matter what any of did, for being our biggest fan, encouraging us to do our best, & that we could do anything we set our minds to. I hope you are loving on those babies, until I get there to ring Meemaw's cowbell, or sit in your lap again. I will always keep you in my heart! I love you more than you can imagine! Thank you for making me who I am through and through. I love you forever & always! Missing you until I get to join you!

Patty

I know I will see her again. I talk to her all the time. I can feel her. But it's not the same! I need her here with me. I need her to talk to me, to listen, to make everything special! To cheer me on, to hear what the girls are doing, what they made, what they say! I need for us to see her beautiful face, to hear her voice! I want to hear her sing to me! I can hear her singing to my Elissa, "Oh what a friend I have in Jesus"! I can hear it, like she is sitting next to me! But it's not enough! I need her!!

My heart hurts, it's not an ache! I mean it's real hurt, true physical pain! It's horrid!!! I just need her to be with all of us!!! My sweet Lil K, just wont remember her as vivid as the other Grandkids! She was a toddler! She will get to know her more through stories, but it's just not the way it is suppose to be!

WHY???? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really!!!!!!!!!! Please someone tell me this nightmare is over and she is going to be cooking the fish at our family reunion this year! I just need my Momma!!!

And I know I'm being a baby, and that is ok! Because I am a baby! I heartbroken baby girl! I am My Momma's Baby!

All my family needs her! My poor daddy is so lonely! It hurts me to know he is that lonely!!! I just don't understand! And I never will!!!! She was so worried about dad and my sister, and now it's her we are without!!!

How can I have been doing so good, to all the sudden, out of no where, take this drastic turn in how I am handling it!

There you have it, how my night is going!!! I just need her!!!

RAW feelings of saddness!!!

Does it ever get better? Do I ever really learn how to cope? I don't know! I thought I could be strong! I thought I could handle this weekend! But I am by far wrong!!! You see Easter was our Biggest Celebration with my family! Momma always made it big and lots of fun! And now going on 7 months without the most special wonderful person, and our biggest and most special holiday, I just can't take it! I am raw! I am hurting! I am sad!! Mad!!! Even angry!!! I need her!!!

Lil E keeps saying, Mom, Easter just can't as special! Mamaw made our Easter more special and more fun! Mamaw made our Easter!

Now how can I hold it together for her? I mean really? My 6 year old is hurting so deep she just doesn't understand it! You would think that my inlaws would step it up, for my kids! But no! So now it's Easter weekend, due to other reasons, we aren't going home for the big celebration, and I'm just totally distraught tonight!!!

I was filling our plastic eggs for the hunt, and all I can think of is how Momma would fill so many eggs, way more than we could ever use or need! So many the kids would be tired of hunting eggs! But it was a beautiful site and she had so much fun and joy in Easter!!!

She was a wonderful Christian Lady who wanted everyone to know our Lord and Savior! And yes Easter is all about Jesus Christ. And we totally Worship and Thank him for his gift! But Momma made Easter so much fun!!! It was a great time with all the family and friends! It was just a really happy and fun event! We always had the get together on Saturday so that everyone could be home and go to Church on Sunday.

Now this year, I am far away and lonely!!! I miss everyone and I miss being there for the get together, but what I miss most is Momma!!! I need her to say, "put more candy in that egg". I want some Momma potato salad! I want momma's beans!! I just want Momma! There is no other way about it!

But in my sadness and as these tear fall, I have hope! Wait I have promise!

1 Thessalonians 4:17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air, and so shall we ever be with the Lord!

So you see, I am sad and I am hurting and even down right mad that she isn't here with us! But I have the Promise from God, that says I will be caught up with them and meet the Lord! So I know that one day, when I do pass away too, I will join her! What a joyous day it will be!!!

Momma, we love you and miss you! We think about you every day! You were our world!!! So happy you aren't hurting anymore, but mad we miss you!!! We love you so much!!!!!! All of us do!!!! Keep smiling down on us, our Beloved Angel!!!

Hugs and Blessings,

It's starting to look like Easter around here.....

We have been busy decorating and making some eggs!!! The girls had fun doing the foam egg craft eggs!! Then I put them all up on the fridge! That excited them too!

They also made Easter Baskets that we hung on the door too.

Now we didn't make these this year, but Lil E and I made this a few years ago. And had thought about it this year, but I hadn't picked up any silk to do them. They are the "Tie dyed" eggs!! We used men's silk ties, but you could use any silk...

Directions ~

‎1. Cut Tie into a square (or a piece) large enough to wrap around an egg.

2. Wrap the egg with the piece of tie, making sure the printed side of the material is facing the egg.

3. Then wrap the egg with a piece white cheese cloth, white sheet, white pillowcase, or old tablecloth and secure it tightly with a twist-tie, or tie it in a knot.

4. Place the eggs in a pot. Fill pot with water to cover eggs completely. Then, add three tablespoons of white vinegar.

5. Bring water to a boil, and cook, as if you were making hard boiled eggs to eat.

6. Remove eggs from water with tongs or spoon and let cool. I sat mine on an old white towel layed out on a metal pan (cookie sheet), to absorb any color instead of it getting the counter.

7. Remove wrapping from cooled egg.

8. For shiny eggs, wipe with vegetable oil or pam.

Hugs and Blessings,

Easter Portraits

We took the girls to get Easter pictures! Here's a few of them!

those are the girls Easter baskets and some of the eggs we will fill and hide. Then the fact I just love to play and edit photos, means I can't leave them alone! So below are two that I had to doctor up!

Happy Easter!

Hugs and Blessings,

It's just been the normal around here

It's just been the normal daily things around here! But we have still made lots of fun!!!

Big sister had the most fun, dressing up little sister, and naming her "Lil Bob"! What a hoot! They were being so funny! And Kaylee would say "I not a boy, just Lil Bob". We had a couple of days of Lil Bob concerts and then they were on to something else!

But Elissa doesn't let this bear get to far from her! It's her special bear and she loves it so much!!

And look! We have a pony tail! We really do!!

It may be tiny, but none the less, Kaylee finally has a little pony tail! I am so happy! Elissa's hair was long and thick, and poor Kaylee hardly has much!

So we haven't had to much going on! I have been on the mission of cleaning out and getting rid of stuff. I have put some up for sale and given lots away too! I have more to clear out too! But that will come in time.

Besides school, chores, and lots of fun, we really haven't been up to too much lately. But that is ok too! We still have fun! We make fun!

I am thinking about planning a girls tea party! I think it would be so fun!

And deciding what our summer plans will be! We aren't going on vacation this summer, but will later in the year! And I can't wait! Details will come out later on.

Hugs and Blessings,

I love our weekends!

I just love weekends!!! I love the freedom of everyone of us doing what we want or need to, but yet we are all together too! Hubby is busy working on the yard, tinkering with projects, and being our Grill Master! Momma is busy watching the kids, while she enjoys some bubbles and chalk, and talks with daddy too! Music going! Sun is shinning!!! Not to hot! Just perfect! And as of lately, extremely dry and lots of winds! The kids running around, laughing, balls bouncing! Birds chirping!!! This is how our weekends have been lately! And I sure couldn't be more thankful! They are perfect!!! It's the little things and the little moments that really do mean the most!

Just look at some of the chalk! We sure love chalk around here!!! It's so fun! And oh how creative!



Then little miss was having the GREATEST time playing football! she would try to do tricks while kicking the ball! She had me rolling!

Even a flower pot as a sun hat!

It's days like this, that make me know I'm so blessed to have the most awesome and wonderful family!!!

Our weekends this summer, will not be so relaxing, and then it's the fall and winter they aren't the same! Even though I love fall and winter the most, this the spring time weekends that make me smile for all the fun we can have, while just chilling out at home and soaking in God's beautiful treasures, and all this while together!

Hope you take the time to enjoy your weekends or down time as a family too! Makes for the best memories!!!

Hugs and Blessings,

Back to the normal everyday things at home

We were all so glad to be back home and with daddy!!! We love him and love our visits, but it's great to be back home too, as a complete family!

Nothing big going on, just the normal daily life around here.

Like bedtime routines, that have cutie pies not ready for bed, that will do anything and be so sweet to get that few more minutes up!

Daddy is a great daddy! He lets the girls do just about anything to him!! Look out Lil E dressed him for pictures!!!!

He is such a good sport and knows I am not only going to take pictures but share them too. hehehe

She is growing up so fast! Now she wants to be older and cool, and wants to skateboard too!

Just look at this, she things she is grown!!!!

Then I have a crab in the house!! She is always roaming around!!!

Oh wait, that's Lil K in the toy box!

At night when we are getting ready for bed, it's the one of my favorite times of the day!!!

And we couldn't be complete without some tattoos! They are glittery and so sparkly. So girly!

So there you have a glimpse of life around the home front!! Add in some school work and cooking and cleaning and that's what you get around here! Lots keeping the 3 girls busy, while daddy is working and doesn't get much time with us! We see him in passing most days is all. We do get the weekends. But after him working nights, its kind of a weird schedule. But it works out.

Hugs and Blessings,

While we were away.... (lots of pics)

We went away for nearly 2 weeks for the 2nd half of March. I had several doctor appointments, and I wanted to spend some time with my Daddy and family! We had the most wonderful visit!!! The girls and I enjoyed the time with Grandaddy so much!!!! I wish he lived near us! I always wanted Momma and Dad to live near us! I'm so thankful we didn't move any further away.

The first several days was a bit busy. The girls got to spend the day with Aunt Lala and Aunt Lori. They had a picnic and lots of fun at the park! Then Saturday was errands and lots of fun at the park and it was the Wonderful Day post that I posted while we were there that day. After several days there, it was Sunday, so we got up and ready for Church. This was so bitter sweet! It was the first time I have been back to the Church since Momma passed, and it was the place she loved so much! It was 6th months since we had lost her! And yet I knew we had a great day with my family planned too! And I love their Church and the people there are so awesome!

Before Church, we took a few pictures of the girls!

What a beautiful surprise at Church, my niece and her 2 girls and my oldest sister and brother in law and great nephew showed up to spend this very special day with all of us at Church. Then that afternoon, we had a cookout! Everyone enjoyed visiting and being together! It was a wonderful and very special time with all of us. Then, my niece and I took the girls to the park to play.

The kids had so much fun!!!!! It makes me wish we lived closer, so the kids could get together way more!

Monday, it was another day of Doctors appointments. And I am so thankful that Daddy took me to and from each appointment! It really was so nice to have the time together too! After that, I was able to spend the afternoon with my dear friend, her and I took the girls for some pictures in blue bonnets!!! My favorite pictures each year!

The girls were having a GREAT time with Aunt Kimmie! They were loving playing outside, getting to have their own work desks, playing with puppy, and for their special dessert each night! Aunt Kimmie made them the ever cool ice cream with sliced bananas and covered in chocolate syrup. Like her and I use to make her boys when they were little! I hadn't thought about ever making it for the girls. Guess that is a good thing, because now its now their special treat at Aunt Kimmies!!!

Oh my goodness!!! This picture of Lil E (below) takes me back! Can you believe 6 years ago, almost to the day, I took a picture of Lil E on the very same spot at Aunt Lala's pond! The same flowers behind her head! I'll have to get the old one and this one together.

The girls and I spent the day with Aunt Lala. We went to lunch and they played! It was lots of fun, and they got more ice cream!! It was as trip with lots of ice cream! So the girls were so happy about that!

After our time there, it was so hard to leave and come back home. And yet so exciting to come home, so we could see hubby! I love him so much! And the girls were ready to see Daddy, just not leave everyone else either!

Our drive home was so long, even longer than normal! So we stopped off on the way home and enjoyed some play time at my friends! The girls were so excited to see Tana and the girls! They had so much fun playing! All four girls were happy and enjoying the time together. It was so hard to leave, it made us miss this and being able to play all the time. we use to get together almost weekly.

The girls are just too dang cute!!!

Then it was welcome home and we can't wait to see Daddy, who was at work when we got home.

I am so thankful for this time we had the last bit!!!

Hugs and Blessings,