Finally Finding Joy with Mother’s Day

 

 

I don’t normally enjoy Mother’s Day and it’s a day that I struggle greatly with. I first struggled knowing I’d never give birth and the years of being childless. Then after years of this, I became a mom and was so thankful. I celebrated my first Mother’s Day and it was special.  Then a mere four months later, my sweet niece lost both her babies. It was terrible. And by the next Mother’s Day I found it hard to be joyous when I was watching my niece grieve her babies. It should have been her first and full of joy, instead it was full of sadness and grief. I watched my sister grieve her only two grandchildren. This opened my heart to those hurting so much on this day. From then on I couldn’t find this day so joyous, instead if hurt so much for all those that were hurting. I hurt for my niece, my sister, for my mom as she grieved her first child and her grandbabies. I hurt for my sweet friend Mel that had always wanted kids, but had to have a hysterectomy like I did. I hurt for my cousin, B, that had lost her baby late, in her second trimester, right around Mother’s Day.  I hurt for my friends that wanted kids, and it had not happened. For those sad and missing their moms. It just became a day that I felt guilty to be so happy and to see so many I knew hurting. So I didn’t find joy. In 2010 my mom passes away, and in 2011 it was a horrible time. My sister had been fighting for her life and in the hospital. I was so scared that I would loose her too. It was the first Mother’s Day without my Momma. So it was just an all around horrible day! The absolute worth Mother’s Day I had ever had. I wasn’t at home, as I was out of town to be with my sister and family there. My friend promised to make me a special day when I got back home. But that was just empty words. So I had come to really dread Mother’s Day. I struggled so much and didn’t want any part of Mother’s Day. In 2013 I found a card and bought it for my Momma, and wish I could have sent it to Heaven. But still didn’t want much to do with Mother’s Day. I grieved my mom, and I hurt so much for all those hurting.

 

This year I was not looking forward to Mother’s Day any more than I had in the years before. I was dreading everything about it. My sweet oldest Lil E kept saying for weeks, I am going shopping and I am going to get you the most beautiful necklace because you are special and the best. I would tell her, oh don’t worry about that. It’s ok sweetie. As it got closer and closer, I was more and more not looking forward to the day. I had had a rough week on several levels and just was out of sorts. I love that I homeschool. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. However this year, I was feeling sad, if the girls were to make me those homemade Mother’s Day crafts, it would be with my lead and then they just wouldn’t mean the same.  I had fallen apart and was sad and miserable. The plans we tried to make had to be canceled because of weather.  Since we moved I had not worked in the office to finish getting it all unpacked, why, because there was way to much that reminded me or was of or from my parents. So Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I was working hard totally tackle the office and get it totally in order. And I mean really going through everything. Saturday I fell apart. I wouldn’t talk to others, or even really text anyone back.   I cried and cried and cried! I turned to my facebook and posted a status about that I had tried hard to be ok but wasn’t ok with Mother’s Day and that I was wishing it was already behind us. A few people posted and offered words in different ways. But a very special friend said to me, that it was totally ok for me to be sad and miss my Momma, but that I needed to remember it was a day that my children got to celebrate the greatest woman they knew, their mama. And a best friend said to me, that she hated to see me hurt, and she hated that I wasn’t able to let  hubby and girls truly celebrate Mother’s Day in the way that they want, because I’m not able to let go and find peace. I had lots praying for me and that I could have a Happy Mother’s Day.

 

I prayed that I could find peace and happiness for my own family. I couldn’t go to sleep Saturday night and was up most all night. Sunday morning I was sleeping in. Hubby made breakfast for me and the girls got all dressed up. Lil E decided to put her dress on and dress shoes and fix her hair and put on some jewelry. So daddy helped her help little sister Lil K get all prettied up too. They all came to wake me up for a special breakfast. It was such a nice treat and not expected. Hubby had made mush, gravy, eggs, and smoked sausage Satan tried to steal my joy and fill my emotions with ugliness. He had thoughts going that that wasn’t the breakfast I wanted and it sure wasn’t the meat I like for breakfast. I prayed that these thoughts would go away and that I would enjoy and be thankful for the special breakfast my family made me. And guess what, I did just that. After breakfast, I sat down to some gifts. They had gone way above and beyond on them. I had new dishes that I had fallen in love with. I had two beautiful  and special cards that they had bought for me. They were really beautiful. But then I had 10 cards that my girls had made for me. Those were perfect! The absolute BEST!!!! Hubby and I found this wonderful and perfect necklace, but they were sold out. It was a Mother and child necklace. We knew we would order it as soon as it was bag in stock. (they had told us 4 to 6 weeks). Hubby had taken the girls Mother’s Day shopping. Lil E refused everything, except this necklace that was nothing about my normal style. Hubby tried to talk her out of it. After a very long shopping trip and nothing else would she agree on. They decided to get this necklace. While to some it may be a cheap inexpensive wal mart fashion necklace, but to me it is priceless and perfect!!! It is a heart, that says #1 Mom and has a red rose on it! I will forever adore and cherish this necklace! It means so much!!!!! And more than the pricey necklace hubby and I plan to order. Hubby had bought me a special gold dipped rose! It is beautiful!!!! He tells me it’s forever, like our love, and that it’s beautiful and rare like me!!! He melted my heart!!!! I was so happy and thankful for all the heart and thoughts that had been put into making my day special! So we got dressed and head out for our day! We were spending it at the State Park and going hiking. We had not been able to camp like we had planned, thanks to the weather. And even in route there for just a few hours, nearly cancelled because of more weather. Again I prayed for the storms to stay away so that we could have a few hours of the day to enjoy. We had so much fun! We hiked. We sat out and the trail we were on was muddy. Guess what, the girls had new clothes on. Lil E was running and jumping, not realizing how slick the mud was. She slipped and feel in the mud. Her brand new clothes were covered. I normally would have gotten onto her something or said something about ruining the outfit. I am the mom who has play clothes and non play clothes. And they can get muddy and live life in the play clothes. I encourage that, but not in the non play clothes.  But I just smiled and said it’s ok. Don’t worry. Even if it doesn’t come out, we have new play clothes. We are here to have fun and enjoy what God has for us and be a kid. So that is what we did. The girls caught tad poles. They waded in the lake. We were about to leave and decided to check out another spot! And it was a beautiful water fall! Normally it would be just a pretty back ground. But instead, we got in the water. We had our shoes on and I didn’t care! I handed hubby my phone and asked him to hold it so I didn’t drop it. Then handed him the camera, and told the girls come on! We are exploring and getting as close as we can to the water fall. We did!! Then we played in the stream it made. Had lots of catapillars, they even were on my shoes. I smiled and knew they would be beautiful butterflies. But they were beautiful already! As were the tad poles! Because they were living!!! And guess what, I was living!!! I was happy and I was enjoying my Mother’s Day!!!! I was enjoying the day with my husband and kids! And we were making memories that would forever be cherished!!! We had a wonderful drive there and back. We went to dinner. And had to wait a bit to get seated, but it was a great wait! Dinner was yummy. But I loved my time and sitting by hubby. Nothing was going to stop the joy of this day! We finished the night watching tv and relaxing and with some pop overs that hubby made, because that is what I wanted. I had let go, and Let God help me find joy! and I found joy alright! I had the most amazing and wonderful and happy Mother’s Day!!!! I missed my Momma, but ya know what, I even had her with me. I have a quilt that was made from her clothes! I sat on it and watched the girls play for a bit at the park too! So it was wonderful day with my hubby, my girls, and a part of my dear Momma!

 

 

Whatever you are sad about, and that it’s keeping you from living, remember to let go and Let God. When you do, you can have peace and find real joy!

 

Hugs and Blessings,

Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven

 

 

 

Oh how I miss her! She was and will always be the GREATEST Momma ever!!!! This picture was taken in 2007 of My Momma, me, and Lil E.

 

I bought my Momma a Mother’s Day card. I know I can’t really mail it to her, but she knows.

 

Here’s to you Momma

 

Growing up, I had coaches and teachers, friends and family. All important….. all great….

But Mom, you were that one person who was absolutely, positively always there for me.

Whether I was feeling good or a little off my game,

there you were- with everything from proud hugs to encouraging pep talks.

I may not have thought about it at the time,

but now that I’m grown, I know how  much it took

to raise me like you did…….. and I’m more grateful than ever.

No one can ever take your place, Mom.

You’ve been there and loved me as only you could do.

And I love you for it!

Happy Mother’s Day.

 

that card was made just for her!

Sending hugs and love to you in Heaven!

 

Hugs and Blessings,

Mother's Day

Hoping all of you had a wonderful and blessed mothers day! This is to all the Mommy's, no matter how you are a mommy! And to all the Ladies that so want to be a Mom, yall are in my thoughts and prayers! Infertility is a hard battle and Mother's day is terrible hard!

Mine was not too good and sure wasn't special! I wanted my Momma! The girls are too young and out of routine. I wanted my hubby to be with us! Needless to say, it wasn't a very good day at all. I sure hope yours was better!! Here's a picture I did take of me and the girls after Church today!

Hugs and Blessings

Mother's Day (how we spent ours)

Happy Mother's Day! It was all about going to check out the lake and camping places for a new spot for me. I love the lake so much! I could be there all the time. And since we had moved, this would be a new place for us, but close enough for day trips or weekend trips.....

Momma's little cutie pies! :)

It's so beautiful and peaceful there! And I can't say enough about the fact it is not all commercial and built up on! I love that home aren't all right on the water, and that there is shore lines of beautiful natural views! God work at his finest!

This is one of my favorite pictures! I just love it! :)

The love of my life with me on the shores! :) Pure Love!

Again, so beautiful!!! I can't get over the raw natural beauty of God's work, that has not been altered so greatly by people! It was the BEST day!

I'm so thankful that my sweet loving husband, wanted this day to be all about something I loved and would enjoy! And that was just the way it was! A day with my family, without phone calls and computers, at the lake!! What more could I have asked for? NOTHING!

Hugs and Blessings,

The BESTEST Mom's Day!

I tell you, it didn't start out to be the Mother's Day I had hoped for. By far, not in several ways! But it was here and there was nothing I could do to change it. The weeek before, we find out, the DNA test we are waiting on results, had not been matched up, person to person, as there was a mistake and it has been sitting incomplete without the notice. UGH! So now we have a delay! Then my sister took the turn for the worst. This was not really the news, I was ready for. I know, we all known for many years that she was so very sick. But to continue to see her get worse by the day, and to go into this time with the bad spells she is having, just really set the tone! I was devastated! She wasn't ready for me to get there and be with her. We live out of town from my family. She wants me to wait, as I have some obligations this week and she wants me to come later and take her to some Doctors appointments. So I agreed. We had planned to go to the races this weekend (like most weekend during race season). But now, do I go or not go? I wanted to go. It was a special time for us! It was my first Mother's with Lil K. And It was Mother's Day 2006 that we took Lil E to the races for her first time. I know we had already taken Lil K, but there was something about spending the time with my girls, doing just what I love most (Besides my family and God) racing! And so I decided I wanted to go ahead and go, even though hubby wasn't sure, we were making the right decision. I wanted to honor my sisters wishes and not make her mad, as she tells me stuff about her illness that she doesn't always tell the rest of our family or anyone for that matter. And if I pressed the issue and went to be with her, she may just get upset with me and not tell me in the future.

Before we headed out, after getting the girls ready, I took a moment to take a few pictures. Lil E is a photo ham for sure. She loves pictures and will be doing all she can infront of the camera! She loves the attention and spot light!

Then it was time for Lil K to take some pictures, but she wasn't interested in the camera today. She was to busy wanting to run and play! Maybe she knew we were in for a long ride to the races and then would be sitting for a while. Who knows, but she wasn't ready for picture taken for sure! We tried to get a picture of Mommy and the girls, but it did not work! Well Dad took a few, but Mommy deleted them. hehehehe!

In her pictures, you can see her personality! She was sure busy doing what ever she wanted to do. Mostly being silly! She has such a silly personality! She makes me laugh! I think she is learning to be a cut up like her older sister.

We had a great drive to get to the races! We live a couple of hours from all local Dirt Tracks. So we make the drive often and it's a great family time, as we converse and share and end up talking about things, that maybe in the rush of the week, we did not really share with each other. It's also a time, we laugh and remember when as well! It's always a lot of fun. (We do this often, not only for races, but to go and do other things as well.)

When we got to the races, Daddy was off to help our friends out in the pits. And Mommy and her girls were to settle in the stands for a fun night! So here you have some pictures sof our favorite past time! It was way more fun this time with Lil K. She was old enough to play and enjoy herself.

Here's a picture from of my two favs in the sports mods. #48 is our friend, JT. And #100, is the first driver I can remember from this home track, way back in the day. He use to come and race at my old home track! And he had a feud going with someone back home, that wasn't on my favorite list, so when he would show up and win, I'd be every so happy! In the 2 previous seasons here (Since we moved her), I had not seen him race one time, then to see him last night, took me back down memory lane! It took me to a time when I was growing up (teenage to early adult years) and racing was all I cared about! It was really fun, but it reminded me of my family back home. So my mind stayed there. I had several phone calls through out the night to keep up with how my sister was doing and what have you. I was very emotional!

The time came, Lil E was ready to go get a prize. So off we went. We went to the souviner shop, as she wanted a light up sucker. Ok so then what did she find, but a pair of light up glasses! And we had to have them in red! We scooted out of there and by the concession stand to pick up a box of popcorn for the girls and mom a nice cold Dr Pepper. yummy! We return to our seats and settle back in.

Look, Lil K is cheering with others! It was too cute! She loves to clap, so that made for fun for her! She had a blast clapping as everyone was cheering.

I was so thankful we went! Daddy and our friends joined us in the stand, and we had some great laughs and fun as we watched the end of the races. I was so thankful that I insisted on going and that I had managed to enjoy the evening. It was a great time! Now it was time to head home. Mommy and the girls were fast asleep. Which always makes me laugh, because that has always been me, sleeping in the car! It's just the way I love to travel! Even back in the day, I'd leave the race track, so in a tizzy or all excited. Either way, within a matter of a few minutes, I was done, and curled in my seat to sleep. My dad always said to Mom, you know we can't get her to stop talking any other time, but man after an action packed race night, it's only minutes before she is done and asleep. hehehhe! That is so me! I am still that way, unless I am driving of course.

On the way home, I was still checking in with my sister. So I was awake most of the last half. We were talking for a short few minutes, but it kept me awake and thinking so much about her. When we got home, we got the girls in bed and all. And now I just wasn't ready to go to sleep. Can you believe it... Since I did not get the Mother's Day gift I wanted on Friday (the DNA results) I just didn't think I'd have a clue. So after I checked over at the blog and such. I was about to head to bed, and decided to check my email. Which is usually the first thing I do. It's officially Sunday now (and hubby has wished me a Happy Mother's Day, still not really excited about the day). Well I open up email, and what is there???? It's an email from the case manager, and you know what she had the results! They came in after she left on Friday, and she emailed me telling me Happy Mother's Day. Said she had thought about waiting to call on Monday (as my number was at the office), but decided to give me the Mother's Day gift I wanted!!! So you know it now, the guy is NOT Lil K's biological father! Thank you, Jesus for this answered prayer! Thank you, Jesus, for closing the last door to possible fathers, especially since this was the first one to have wanted anything to do with her. Now it's moving to adoption! I was overwhelmed, over joyed, shocked, and the happiest!!!!!!!!!!! I called my sweet sister, as they were just moving her to a room in the hospital, I told them to hold the phone to her ear, and I told her, you are the first person I am telling! And I said, he is not K's father! We have the results, the dna test has confirmed! We both just cried the happiest tears! I told her, to get rest, and get better, we had to plan the adoption celebration as it would coming up sooner, than some had expected!!! This means, K's adoption could be final in the next 6 months! What a blessing! God is so good all the time!!! Even on the down, nothing is going right days! He is there, and he is still with us! Just remember, God is always there and always good! This just made this the BEST gift I could have received for Mother's Day! It just made my Mother's Day all perfect!!! And it reminded me, that even in the midst of all storms, God is there, and to keep your eyes on him! God will lift you! He will deliver you and bless you! And I have to say, I knew this! Friday night a friend and I were sharing and she shared a video on you tube, knowing that things had been less than grand for me. And she said to me, continue to praise him, and you will come out on top! And boy did my weekend turn around by this most wonderful Mother's Day Gift!!!! Thank you so much, Jesus, for insuring my daughter would be with her forever family, with us as her parents and with her biological sister, where she is suppose to be! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Jesus!!!

When I was able to go to bed, it was the most restful sleep. I had so much peace! Then I was honored today in my home, but hubby and the girls! They were so awesome! Daddy and Lil E made breakfast! Aww, it was so sweet and special! Everyone enjoyed! Then we just had a great time together! And Daddy made a wonderful dinner! He gave me 2 beautiful cards (one from him, and one from the girls) with the sweetest messages! I couldn't help but think that I was truly the luckiest gal! I am blessed with my girls and the best husband. He is more than I could have ever dreamed of!

To show you how great he is, he lets me take silly pictures of him and knows I am going to share with all to see. hehehe! He let Lil E fix his hair! What a great time she had! And it did me good! As we use to fix up my mom's hair and she would sit and let us for hours, if we wanted to that long! We would try to see if we could get another clip or ponytail in there. It was always a deal to see if we could get more this time. I know we had like 36 in one time. And I know we did 40 something ponytails one time. It was the funnest! So even though I wasn't with my mom and sisters, I had the grandest day! My hubby and girls took me down memory lane, while we were at home making great memories together!

And wait, Lil E had to put her light up glasses on daddy to finish off the perfect look!

I hope that you and yours had a memorial day!

Hugs and Blessings,

Happy Mother's Day!

I want to wish you all a very Happy Mother's Day!!!

This is my family with my sweet mom! She is the strongest person I know! She has formed me and made me who I am! I love her! And I wish I could be with her every day! We have so much fun! We always have! When I was little we played all sorts of things. She would buy me cheaper or thrift store dishes to use, to play house. She would help me pack the diaper bag for my dolls. And she would shop, when I set up store. She would be the principal when we played school. She would let us fix her hair all wild and crazy! And you know it, she sat in the stands with me each weekend, as Daddy was busy working on those race cars! She was there for all school functions, and welcomed me home every afternoon with a snack and then we would do homework or she would read to me. She is the most wonderful Mamaw! I can't believe I'm telling this, but she is the type of person that is hard to crack, but if you know her, she is the most loving person and giving. She has this way about her that brings comfort. And until I was grown, I'd still sit in her lap when times were tough and she would rock and sing to me, just like when I was a little girl! And I know she would still do today, if I let her. She has always cradled all the kids and sang Jesus Loves Me to them. And you know what I do just the same with my girls! Always when they are sad or hurting. Just like momma! She is a wonderful wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend... She is loyal to the core, and can be the meanest bear if it is to protect her family! More and more I see myself in her! She is the proud Mom to 4 girls (1 Angel Baby). She has, are you ready for this, 7 Grandaughters, 3 Great Grandson (2 of which are Angel babies) and 3 Great Grandaughters. And I can say from the oldest to the youngest, she is still loving and teaching and holding and singing! She taught me how to cook and do most all that I do. It is because of her, that I always wanted to be the Stay at Home Mom! I wanted to be just like her!!! And even if she didn't have us (me mostly as we didn't have that Home Church for awhile) at Church every week, she did teach us about God every day! She let us know he was real, and to live to be like Jesus. I can say I'm so glad they are back in a Home Church and are able to share that with us too! As I have grown up, so have the things we do together! And I have to say, she is Mom to many, not just her own kids and grandkids. To our friends. I can't tell you how many kids she let live with us, during rough time. Just like a foster mom, without the help. If a kid was having trouble, they could go to my parents, the they would help them out! They still do to this day. We were taught, nothing is every too good or too bad to tell them! And I have to say, that is true! They will always be there! I have friends who still call my parents Mom and Dad. And when I see my nieces freinds, call my parents "Mamaw and Grandaddy", I know they are still doing the same to those young people and helping them, the way they helped us and ou r friends! Mom will cook a meal for anyone. And if she hears someone is hungry, she is going to get them over for a feast! If you stop by, you are always welcomed with open arms and she is eager to make you something to eat! No one will ever go away feeling unwanted or hungry! She is the BEST! And she makes me want to be better!!! Mom, I love you!!! Hope you have a Happy Mother's Day! Thank you so much!!!

Now you can meet my sisters! In the picture is the oldest, Suzie, then me, and then the middle one, Laura! They are the BEST sisters in the world! And each of them (being so much older than me) helped mold me into who I am, as well. Suzie was out of the house and having her own family, and I would follow Laura and do everything like her! I wanted to be like her! I wanted to dress like her, go to the places she went, I wanted to dance like her, work where she did (and one day I did). I wanted to be her! But as I grew up, I was able to appreciate both of them! And take stuff from each of them and want to be like both! I want to raise my girls to be the good girls they both have raised! I want to be the Mom to my girls that they are to theirs! And I hope and pray I'll be! Both are so much fun! We have great times together! But my sweet Laura is very ill! And she is not doing well today! So please do pray with me today for her comfort. She is so strong, she has been a fighter! She has fought her illness for nearing 20 years. She has raised her girls and been everything to them during this time! She has always been there for me, every time I was crying, every happy moment, and all inbetween! She is my best friend! (do not ever think I love one sister more, I love them both with all my heart! Laura and I just had more times together). But as I grow up, Suzie and I are growing even closer than we have ever been! And I know we will continue, as we will have to be there for each other! Laura has so much faith! She will tell you, it's her faith that gets her through each day! And I know it is! She is the most wonderful person and one of my biggest Cheerleaders! I wish I could do something to make her well and not have to hurt or be so sick anymore. I wish both my sisters a very Happy Mother's Day and may they know how much I love each of them!!!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Hugs and Blessings