Remembering Momma/Mamaw through the worst pain!

I have cried harder tonight than I have most anytime since getting through the horror of saying goodbye! All the sudden, it has hit me me like it was just happened! Like I just feel from her arms, after she took her last breath. Or even like the week before she passed, when I cried every single night like this! So bad that my dear friend would listen to me and cry with me! No ones heart should ever hurt like this!

Then I went and got out our letters to Momma/ Mamaw, the ones we wrote, that were read at her funeral! And I wanted to share them. I don't know that anyone really cares to read them, and maybe not, but for me right now, they were what I needed to read and share! Maybe a little insight on just what a special person she really was!!!! And here's the links to her obituaries and here too....

Letter 1

Mamaw,

I love you! And You are going to Heaven. I am going to miss making cookies with you, a cake too. Thank you for eating cracker with me and Grandaddy in bed. Daddy and Mommy miss and love you. I will love you forever and I am gong to miss Mamaw!

Lil E

Letter 2

Mom love you very much! I can remember the very first time I met you, and you treated me like family. I also remember at the end of the weekend, when it was time for me to leave, you teased me about never wearing a Gordon shirt to your house again. Just so you know, Mom, I will never wear one again, and my girls never will either. Thank you so much for all the love and support you have shown me through the years, just wish there were alot m ore years. Love you mom. Rest easy that we will all be fine here on Earth till it's our day to once again unite in Heaven with you. Thank you also for being the world's greatest mom in law & mamaw to our kids and the world!

James

Letter 3

Momma

Thank you for being the most awesome Inspiration to us! You are my Hero! I will always keep you alive in all I do. If I can be half the lady you were, I will be good. I could go on forever about all the special times, and all the things you taught me, as well about how special you are! Thank you for being everyones mom and mamaw, even when I didn't like sharing you with the world. I want you to know, that there will never be anyone else's arms that can cradle, rock, and hold me like you did. We never got to big for you to that while singing to us. Songs like In the Lords's Army & Winter Wonderland, that I was in 2nd grade before I realized it was not a lullabye. No matter what you wer going through, you had more faith than anyone I know. Thank you, Momma, for your unconditional love, no matter what any of did, for being our biggest fan, encouraging us to do our best, & that we could do anything we set our minds to. I hope you are loving on those babies, until I get there to ring Meemaw's cowbell, or sit in your lap again. I will always keep you in my heart! I love you more than you can imagine! Thank you for making me who I am through and through. I love you forever & always! Missing you until I get to join you!

Patty

I know I will see her again. I talk to her all the time. I can feel her. But it's not the same! I need her here with me. I need her to talk to me, to listen, to make everything special! To cheer me on, to hear what the girls are doing, what they made, what they say! I need for us to see her beautiful face, to hear her voice! I want to hear her sing to me! I can hear her singing to my Elissa, "Oh what a friend I have in Jesus"! I can hear it, like she is sitting next to me! But it's not enough! I need her!!

My heart hurts, it's not an ache! I mean it's real hurt, true physical pain! It's horrid!!! I just need her to be with all of us!!! My sweet Lil K, just wont remember her as vivid as the other Grandkids! She was a toddler! She will get to know her more through stories, but it's just not the way it is suppose to be!

WHY???? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really!!!!!!!!!! Please someone tell me this nightmare is over and she is going to be cooking the fish at our family reunion this year! I just need my Momma!!!

And I know I'm being a baby, and that is ok! Because I am a baby! I heartbroken baby girl! I am My Momma's Baby!

All my family needs her! My poor daddy is so lonely! It hurts me to know he is that lonely!!! I just don't understand! And I never will!!!! She was so worried about dad and my sister, and now it's her we are without!!!

How can I have been doing so good, to all the sudden, out of no where, take this drastic turn in how I am handling it!

There you have it, how my night is going!!! I just need her!!!